He brings restoration

On Sunday, there was some miscommunication and we took our boys to church thinking there would be childcare at the "younger folks" service. Well, needless to say, the hallway was dark and quiet at 7:05pm- things did not look good. We metaphorically pulled our pants up and took them into the service. Being only 5 and 3 years of age and used to going to Sunday School, they did much better than we thought. Quiet during the announcements and even through most of the music. Luke, being 3, got bored rather quickly. But Jacob surprised us. He was attentive. He tried to read the words on the screen. He even sang along with one of the songs. It was a song based on Psalm 30:11, "You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness."
Our autism journey has been messy. It's been painful. It is confusing and overwhelming at times. But all of that makes the joy so much sweeter. To stand by my son, his arm around me, and hear his sweet voice singing about God turning our sadness into joy- that makes it all worth it. Truly it does!
"You take my mourning and turn it into dancing, you take my weeping and turn it into laughing, you take my mourning and turn it into dancing, you take my sadness and turn it into joy. You bring restoration, You bring restoration, You bring restoration to my soul." It is in these moments, that I am firmly convinced that God's plan for us is good, despite it being sometimes hard and painful. God can use it ALL for good.

Mourning...

A few months ago, I went through a period of mourning... again. I came to the conclusion...again, that my child will never be "typical." Typical is a word that parents of autistic children use to refer to normally development kids who process information in the typical manner. I had one of those 'It's not going to get me anywhere' daydreams where I thought about how Jacob would be if he wasn't in the spectrum. This type of thinking is so futile and silly. My child is what he is, and trying to figure out the 'what could have beens' doesn't help our situation one iota. All of this came crashing back to me tonight when I read this quote by a doctor talking to the parent of a newly diagnosed child.

"MOURN THE LOSS OF THE CHILD YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE, SO YOU CAN ACCEPT THE CHILD YOU DO HAVE."

I seem to go through these mourning periods over and over. I come to grips with life as we know it and the unforseeable future, tell God that I know He has a greater plan than I can see and move on. But every once in a while, it sneaks up on me. 'It' being the normal child. I can get envious of my friends with unaffected children. "Do they appreciate what they have?" I ask myself. "No," is my resentful response. "They think their child is difficult, but they don't know what difficult is." Their child doesn't get stared at for being different. They think their child's tantrums are hard to handle, but they haven't ever walked on egg shells around their own toddler. Anger, sadness and jealousy surge to the surface in me. The part of me that wants it "easy."

Jacob isn't easy, but God, I love him so much. There is a fierceness in me when it comes to my child and helping him. I can't imagine my life without him in it. I can't imagine our family without his presence, so I continue to mourn the boy that I didn't have and celebrate the boy I was given to love. I keep praying that God shows me how to love him the way he needs to be loved and that I can accept him, challenges and all.

Autism: The Musical

AUTISM: THE MUSICAL counters bleak statistics with 1 womans optimistic pledge to lead a group of autistic children in defying diagnosed expectations by writing, rehearsing and performing their own full-length musical. Following 5 LA children over the course of 6 months, director Tricia Regan captures the struggles and triumphs of their family lives and observes how this musical production gives these performers a comfort zone where they explore their creative sides.



After hearing about this documentary several times, I decided to buy it, and watch as a way of learning more about my son. I expected it to be maudlin and depressing, and at times it was extremely sad. However, watching these children and their parents struggle and succeed was a hopeful experience too.


The thing that most surprised me most was what I learned about my own child from watching these other children on the autistic spectrum. As I observed these kids, I saw my own. Things that I always assumed were "just Jacob" were revealed to me to not be Jacob mannerisms, but autistic mannerisms. It was comforting in a strange way, because it explained quite a lot about him.


In our trips to our specialist, I have been fascinated to see other children who have been diagnosed too. I do my very best not to stare at them, but I see kids who appear like my own, and I am drawn to them and their behaviors. The lunging movements, the strange sounds, the aimlessness of their wandering, their lack of eye contact and often their silliness. There are other children who act this way? Yes, and it is comforting to me that Jacob is not the only one. Isn't that odd? I have learned that my child is different but the same. Watching the musical has helped my look at my child, my marriage and my other son in a new way- one with clearer lenses. I am more patient, and I am more aware.

I am glad that I bought the documentary and I plan to show to my son (for as long as he watches it), my husband and my friends who have been touched by autism.

Individualized Education Program (IEP)

May this article from a special education teacher inspire you to get more involved in your child's education process. Be their advocate! God put them in your family for a reason!

(From Catherine Whitcher, M.Ed, Precision Education)
First, let me remind the Precision Education Community that I was a special education teacher. I have the utmost respect for teachers. They show up everyday to teach children and deal with the political system. I also admit that I violated my student's rights, I BROKE THE LAW!

I never read a student's IEP from front to back. I rarely charted goal progress. I only glanced at modifications that needed to be done. I was told by my administration to "watch out" for a problem parent whose child was assigned to my classroom. Sure enough, the problem parent called and asked for a meeting before school started. The mom drilled me on teaching strategies, charting and reporting. The curriculum had to be explained to her and the aides had to have training. My world was turned upside down.

I discussed the conversation with the administrator. She told me that I had to comply with the Mom's requests because in the IEP it was written to communicate everything she had been asking. What? Wait a minute, if this IEP was written with accountability- what were the other ones written like?

So I spent the weekend reading all my students IEP's and found out that this child's IEP really wasn't written much different than the others. The difference was that this Mom knew what was in her child's IEP and how her child's education should be executed. Armed with this newfound knowledge, I took it upon myself to initiate the same types of meetings with the parents of all my students.

Parents were amazed at how much information I was giving them and how I wanted them to be involved. Goals were not only being met, but exceeded and IEP's needed to be rewritten by December. My administrator walked into the room a few months later and my entire class was sitting at their desks. A reading exercise was on the overhead and the aides were engaged in assuring the lesson was adapted to each level as I directed from the front of the class. It was an unexplainable experience to have my superior stand speechless at the progress that was made simply by me doing my job according to the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA).

I ran into the parent who turned my world upside down last summer. I told her this story and she had no idea that she had such an impact on not only her son's education, but also on me as a professional and the other students who passed through my classroom. I went from an average teacher violating student rights, to a proud teacher of successful students all because of a parent who knew her son's rights and had the strength to become a proactive member of her child's education team.
Copyright 2007 Precision Education (May be reprinted with permission) Catherine Whitcher, M.Ed

Chelation study canceled

Autism does not kill children. Chelation has killed children. We must be careful to not allow our desire for our child to be better to adversely affect the rest of their lives. IV chelation is dangerous. There are much safer, and less aggressive, yet effective ways to remove these metals from our children. Be careful.

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) had planned a study on the effects of chelation therapy on children with autism. Chelation therapy purports to pull toxic metals such as mercury from children. While some parents claim to have found chelation therapy helpful in reducing symptoms of autism, the NIMH found that there was no strong medical science to back up the parent claims. The NIMH was also concerned that the drug used for chelation (DMSA) was too risky for use with children. The NIMH therefore cancelled the chelation study.

First 6 weeks

Last week we had our first Kindergarten ARD meeting and this week was our first Parent/Teacher conference about how Jacob is doing in school. The ARD was very successful for us. They are going to do a full Autism evaluation before Christmas. This will give us lots of specific information about how Jacob learns best and what areas he needs help with. It will also give us the "official" diagnosis, even though our neurologist has already diagnosed him. The evaluation will be more specific than "autism spectrum disorder."

Also, they are going to place him in a "Circle of Friends" social skills class twice every 6 weeks and he will get some individual training from the psychologist too. I am ecstatic about these two things. I don't have very many concerns about Jacob's intellect, but social skills training will help fill in some gaps.

The Parent/Teacher meeting went well, with his inclusion teacher present as well. They shared how a lot of the tools they needed to use at the beginning of the year are no longer necessary. The routine has been established and now he only needs an occasional reminder. We will be adding a few more visual reminders for him (and the rest of the class) about interrupting his teacher while she is talking to someone else.

I know that his teacher was nervous about Jacob before school started, but she told me in the meeting that she loved having him in her class. He is always smiling, "beaming" and fits in well in class. They all rotate table seats every 6 weeks, so he has new table buddies and they are one of the quietest tables she has now. THAT is an accomplishment for my "high volume" boy!

First week of school is over!

When I couldn't sleep well the week before school started, that should have been my first clue that I was more anxious than I thought about school starting for Jacob. Last year at this time, Jacob had already been sent to the Director's office at his preschool twice for meltdowns and inappropriate behaviors. I am thrilled to report that each and every day, his teachers told me that he had great days! I can honestly tell you that EVERY time the phone rang last week I was fearful that it was the school calling me and telling me that I needed to come up there and 'deal with' my son. How is that for over-arcing anxiety?
I kept talking to other friends whose children were starting Kindergarten too and they talked about how they weren't sure they liked their child's teacher or that their child was tired at the end of the day and ALL I could think was, "Praise God! My child is fitting into his classroom well enough that grown-ups are praising him for his behavior and his learning skills. Whoo-hoo!" God has definitely given me some perspective in all of this craziness.
Although it is difficult to get much information from Jacob, he appears to be loving school. He never complains about getting ready or that he doesn't want to go. He told me before school began that he "couldn't wait to go to school." Those types of words are rarely heard out of my 5 year olds mouth, so I've gotta believe him. The long educational journey has begun and in my opinion, it has gone great!
I created a book for Jacob of pictures of every teacher and every room that he's come in contact with, to prepare him for school. If anyone wants more information about it or how we prepped for the big K, just ask me!